rainy days

i am home for a bit right now and giving myself a break from running around in the rain. i am watching the Olympics, which I have been neglecting somewhat, and Woman's Volleyball is on. I am not into volleyball at all, but i can't stop admiring these athletes. What it must feel like to devote your entire life to a game, a race, a moment, usually a very brief moment in time. Then I realized, that's what we all do pretty much. We work and work and work. We love and love and love. We learn and learn and learn. We hope for that moment where it will all make sense, when we will feel fulfilled, when we will win. The only difference between everyone and Olympic athletes is that they know exactly when that moment will be. This realization has given me a sudden burst of energy, more mental than physical, and I find myself feeling more secure in my life decisions. I can't wait to see your teeth!!!! I think that woman sounds like she had a serious freak out and it makes me really really afraid of menopause. I think you should continue to look for a partner who challenges you and excites you and loves you and not focus so much on her age. I think that you are the greatest dad in the whole wide world and for the past 29 years have made me feel nothing less than a super human who can achieve anything she sets her mind to. I think that if i could have one wish for my birthday it would be to wake up in my high school bed to the smell of french toast, walk into the kitchen and have it filled with every single person i love and treasure in the world, then proceed to have the best bbq by the pool all day and into the night. i am not really looking forward to this birthday. i am not dreading it, but I'm not anticipating it being anything special. 29 seems like such an in between age, it's not old but it's not young. soon i won't be in my 20's anymore. soon i won't be looked at as young, but rather as middle aged. soon i will be 30, which i gotta tell ya sounds a hell of a lot cooler than 29. how is it that an age doesn't seem fitting? how can you not feel the age that you are? i don't feel 28 right this minute so how am i supposed to feel 29 in a few days? i have no fucking idea...and I'm sticking to it.
i love you.