Leadershit

Last night I went to dinner at John and Colleen's house. They had some people over to watch the opening show for the new Mad Men season. Evidently the show has been off the air for over a year and Mad Men fans – all in attendance last night except for me – were keen to see the kick off.

There was a lady there I have spoken about before: she is a book buyer and her daughter was the original chef at AMO. She is a delightful lady, and as one would imagine of a book buyer, she is very intelligent and reads many books each week. We were discussing her work and at one point she commented that she has the opportunity for a promotion but can't take it. When I asked her why she told me that she paid her husband a generous sum each month in spousal support and that, if she were to take the promotion, she would end up taking on a huge increase in responsibility but, after the increase in spousal support, would not net any additional funds for her self. In essence, her husband benefits entirely from her good fortune and she does not. He does not work and just seems to wait for her next advancement.

I didn't mention my situation. But hearing this really floored me. And it made me think about your last blog entry about leadership. Yes, I have shown a propensity for leadership in the past – founder of the Orange County Chapter of the American Institute of Graphic Arts and the creativity leadership role at BJ's among others. But am I any better off because of it? Indeed, all those things positioned me to advance my career but in the final analysis, the salary – a questionable meter of my success but, none-the-less, the most visible meter – just became a metric for the calculation of spousal support. And from this point on, that is primarily what my income will be. My monitory success will always be monitored to see how it can be divided up for distribution.

For some years now my dreams are comprised of frustration fears; getting somewhere, getting back to someplace or not getting anywhere at all. This until recently. My last most memorable dream was filled with the excitement of painting and freedom; freedom to use exorbitant amounts of paint, to create unencumbered brush strokes, and to know nothing about what I was doing but have the exhilarating sensation that it would turn out right.

And this is what I would like my legacy to be; a legacy of creativity and voice. There are a million things in my head these days and they need to get out and onto a surface or medium I can share. I no longer care that the colors I use conjure up an era to some, or the images I am drawn to have been seen before, or that what I do reflects the age I am. Whatever I am needs to be shared.

Time to have a show – a show of hope, talent and freedom.