MAY!!!

oh heavens, i certainly didn't mean to imply i wanted a vacation from you. i love you so much and you will definitely hear from me before may is over. in fact, i have a feeling you will hear from me before this weekend is over. i love you so very much and the stratosform site looks great! super clean and comprehensive. the color palette is great and very welcoming. congrats and job well done.

Time to Chill....

I just read your email – who's being negative now? It's not like you but I certainly appreciate your sentiments. You have a rather complicated life right now and there seems to be some things about it that are gnawing at you. And that's what you need to focus on – not me or your Mom.

I for one, love to hear from you. Both as a daughter and as a valued colleague and sounding board. But I think we would both agree that if dialog is fleeting, superficial or simply just too difficult to fit in, might as well not do it. So I suggest you just chill from your familial role and do a deep dive into the life you are building and try to get it right: design it the way you are most comfortable and delighted to share. There is no need to feel like you are being a bad friend or communicator or the like – that just stokes guilt and then you will instinctively jump to a defensive posture when we do connect. So my counsel is to put some space between the things that are pressuring you (real or perceived) and take a look at life's most important issues; to be authentic, to find your presence and to nurture a sense of service to your life an the life of others.

So take a months vacation from from me and the notion that you have to connect. I'll see you on the other side of May. Just rest assured Lauren, I will be here when you need me, unconditionally with open arms and a loving heart. XOXO Dad

PS. Just launched the StratosForm Website plus new brand identity. Check it out. www.stratosform.com/

time & distance

i have been thinking a lot. not that i don't think a lot normally, but lately i feel like thinking a lot more than i feel like talking. my mind seems to be flooded with contemplation. what should i be doing with my life? what am i doing with my life? where do i want my life to go? where am i in all of this? how do i fit in? what puzzle piece am i? which road should i take? which path is best for me? which directions should i move forward in?

i am not quite sure why, but lately i just haven't felt like talking to you and mom. i think about you both a million times a day. literally. it feels terrible inside. i want to call you, but i don't really feel like talking. sometimes i wish we could just sit on the phone in silence and pretend we are cuddling. that is what i feel like doing, cuddling. being held by the two people who love me and comfort me the most. if only i had that. i hate the time that goes by without sharing our lives together. i hate it. i understand it, but i hate it. it's difficult to feel like i am not apart of your daily life. it's sad that you are not apart of mine because i feel like we could enrich one another so much on such an intense level. i am coming out of this funk. i can feel myself slowly pulling out of it. i want to talk and i want to let you know how much you mean to me. i know you already know that, but i also know how important it is to hear it on a regular basis. i am being a shitty communicator and thus a shitty friend and daughter. i know this. i wanted you to know that i know this and it don't like so i am changing, but it is taking me a little bit of time and distance. I LOVE YOU!

Chopped!

Just wanted to drop you a quick note to say how much I enjoyed watching you on Chopped. Lauren, you definitely have a presence on screen. Maybe for you it is just good to know or maybe it is something that, in time, you will leverage and use to amplify your gifts. That is up to you. But I know now that whatever you do will be done with a positive smile, grace and mad skills. How fortunate you are to know this. And how fortunate am I, and all your other friends and loved ones, to know you.

My pride for you and love of you is ever growing. Dad

BITE ME.

ice teeth. makes me smile every time. love you daddy.

It's Official! Just a little ditty...

Foggggg.....

When I opened my curtains today and barely saw the building across the street it reminded me of California. I have such vivid memories of getting dressed in the morning, eating breakfast at the kitchen island, getting in my car and driving to the coast for school. As I approached my destination by the sea the fog would build and build until all you could see were the street lights and the bumper of the car in front of you. With music blasting and all my friends that I car pooled (for free!) chatting and discussing the day ahead, I would roll the window down just an inch or two to take a deep breath in of the outside air. Those foggy mornings with dewy moisture that fill you lungs and coat them with a sheet of sweetness. The salt from the ocean mixed with the sunshine that was trying so desperately to break through. To this day I can still taste and smell Southern California fog on my tongue. To my dismay, when I opened my apartment window longing for that same sensation, all I was met with was a taste of city. Pavement, car exhaust, trash, bums... they are not the same as ocean, sand, flowers, sun.

Beggars can't be choosers, but on a morning like this I wish I was in your oversize BJ's sweatshirt sleepy eyed sipping a big mug of coffee while sitting in a mist covered adirondack chair staring into the ripples of the pool. I would be able to hear you blowing your nose and fussing around in the kitchen. Humming birds would be wizzing in and out of the backyard attaining tiny gulps of sugar water with each visit. There would only be the sound of a train in the distance and perhaps a few cars on their morning commute. You would come and sit next to me and we would laugh about something. Then we would laugh some more. Then, when you didn't even know I was looking at you, I would examine all the fine features in your face and they way your hands move when you talk and how you pause just before you are about to tell me something you think is important and that I should listen to. With attentive ears and a childlike sense of wonder I would listen to everything that came out of your mouth, with each word loving you more and more. That is the morning I am imagining for myself right now. Thank you fog for taking me on a journey to have coffee with my daddy!

Bang! Bang!

Bob's Your Uncle!

Just had a chat with Nanny – she is such a sweetheart. As happens with age, she began to reminisce about her childhood as a young girl in England during and before the war and I asked her a few questions about her Dad and Mom – your great, great grandmother and great, great grandfather.

At 4' 10" small, Ethel, also know as Nan and one of my favorite people in the world, had Hope, Rod and a third child whom died at birth. She had a sister and 3 brothers. She was living with us when she died and it broke my heart. Her sense of humor was always a source of cheer and cheekiness. I remember her cleaning the house with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth. Her laugh made people weak. Always.

A Liverpudlian, Bill, your great, great grandfather became a butcher at the age of 14 and remained so until his death at the age of 51. He was the oldest of 17 (yes, 17!) children. All the kids got together every Sunday at the home of their parents and had a grand supper. Mom's grandmother asked her who she was every Sunday because she couldn't remember all the grandchildren's names. Mom can barely remember any of the names of her uncles and aunts except for her favorite uncle, and the second oldest son, Bob. When the war broke out the family scattered across England to work for the war effort or in the army and that was the last she really saw of Bob. As a child, she said she thought he looked like what she thought God must look like. So four generations removed, Bob's your uncle. And maybe God. Cheers!

From The Wall Of My Garden

It's the little things that make life a pleasure.

time to get graphic

The first step to a pretty kick ass dinner party invitation...

My Splendid Library / Chapter One

I have had a peculiar consciousness of late that when I am alone I am actually not alone at all. Rather, I am with me. We – me and myself – seem to look at things as a a pair and not simply from a singular point of view. I know it sounds as though I may be saddled with some kind of multiple personality disorder or that I am host to "voices" and such. But whenever I hear tales of people being haunted by voices the notion carries with it that the "voice" contribute contrarian opinions, inevitably get in the way, sabotage actions and make one a bit insane.

Me and myself, on the other hand, get along quite nicely and generally provide a helpful point of view. I have come to trust myself and me. We seem to acknowledge our shared dips and do what we can to self-correct and keep on a healthy path. We also are pretty good company for each other and we seem to amuse the other to no end. Sounds like a love affair.