Daddy, you know I love you, but sometimes I just don't understand why you do the things you do or choose to communicate the way you do? I know this can be said for me as well, but as you know, life is a constant struggle to better one's self and how we treat those around them. That being said, I feel like I need to tell you that the blog posting you wrote yesterday made/makes me feel terrible. I don't think that is the way to go about this. This is a safe place and a happy place for BOTH of us.
This past weekend I have merely been trying not to cry with the overwhelming dissappointment and sadness I have from losing a HUGE competition. Not to mention the complete exhaustion I have been battling from not sleeping or eating for the past week. The tremendous pressure, although self induced, has made it difficult to focus on anything other that the constant question in my head of "am I good enough..." follow by " what the fuck am i doing!!!" Lets also not forget that after losing on friday and being up until 2am I then had to get up at 5am both saturday and sunday to work. WORK!!! Cook more for people. Then after cooking I had to go and teach with a fucking smile on my face. I had to go and be happy for OTHER people even though i was so filled with sadness for myself. Yesterday I also had to work. More cooking, which is what i love, but can feel more like work than fun.
Yes it is true, my life is filled with many people. My day to day routine starts early and ends late. My obligations are many and I try to fulfill and live up to them as best I can. Of course I fall short, but I am giving it my best which is something you have instilled in me. Sure my social network pages are filled, please remember I am also using those forums as a networking and press tool. I don't not necessarily enjoy taking an hour to upload and post videos, or tweeting about every fucking meal i make, or commenting on clients and friends pages just to make sure they aren't forgetting about me.
I love you. I wish there was more time and somethings more energy to devote to just US. I wish we were closer. I wish we were richer so we could fly back and forth and share in one another's lives. I wish all of that. In the mean time, I am doing my best to love you the best way I know how.
Here is my advice for you if you are lonely.
Go out and make new friends. Start talking, people will listen because you are passionate and intelligent and most of all funny as shit. Put yourself out there. Get out of your house. Find new things to do. Don't use monitary funds or distance as an excuse. There are a lot of cool things for free and awesome people who are close. If you are unhappy with something change it. It isn't fair to focus that unhappiness on the fact that I haven't posted in a few days or weeks. I started this blog, remember that. I began this journey with you to learn about you and us in a new way, not to put limitations or expectations on each other.
We are creatives. We are creators. We are lovers. We love one another.
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